This is not a bashing of relationships. It is not a case for singleness either. I have experienced the beauty of companionship that is found in another and I have experienced the solitude and magic that is found in singleness – both wonderful places of repose.
But today, as a single man, I reflect on what it means to be single.
I have come to the consciousness that singleness is more than just the state of being unmarried or outside of a romantic commitment. Singleness has to be a state of wholeness – being complete in yourself and as yourself without the crotch of having to feel needed by and important to another.
Yes, feeling needed and desired strokes the ego well. We all want to be loved, right? But have we been seeking love from the wrong person/s? I mean, why is it so important to us that others love us completely and unconditionally? Do we first love ourselves in those ways – completely and unconditionally?
I have been single for quite some time now and boy, it has been a journey! I have experienced feelings of loneliness; of wanting to be held and kissed and be told, “I love you”; to have someone to whom I can pour out my fears and concerns and distress and come home to and be silly with. There have been – still are – moments of longing. But I have also discovered something remarkable; something I won’t trade even for those longings. In my singleness, I discovered me. I discovered that the love I craved most was my own. I discovered what I feared, what I yearn for most and what I am indeed worthy of. I discovered what I did for lovers was what I had neglected to do for me. I discovered that I am enough for me. I do not need to be more or less. I am sufficient.
For me, singleness is an opportunity to date oneself; to get to know who one is at the core; to deal with all those places of brokenness and fracture and put them back together – to become whole. Do not despise your singleness; neither should you chase after relationship. Become single first. When I say I am single I mean that I am whole and it feels beautiful to be whole. I AM SINGLE!!!!